it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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