My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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