I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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