why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
