Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
