we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
