butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
