Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
