You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
