i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
