No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
