You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
