Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize