A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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