Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
