Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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