he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
