Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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