At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
