i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
