last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
