She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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