I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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