Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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