dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
