We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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