So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
