He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
