She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
