Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
