I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
