I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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