Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
