she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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