Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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