drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
