Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
