Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
