Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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