I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
third nipple confirmed
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize