I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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