is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
