You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there is glitter all over my balls
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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