omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
