dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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