DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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