I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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