Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
