You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
