some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
