Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
