i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
