Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
