Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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