I wanna bring you to show and tell
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
