Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
