Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
