I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
