Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
