Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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