She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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