I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
