Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
