I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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