I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
