like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
