i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
