it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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