You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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